Note To Self

I refuse to be old and bitter.  I'll not give up on the things that once made me the dreamer I was.  I will once again become the person I knew I could be.  I can love, I am worthy of receiving love.  No doubt, no downfalls, just trust.  If I can't love myself, how will I be able to love anybody else?  The manipulation and the back stabbing, the truths masked in lies and the outward appearances of 'doing just fine' aren't getting me anywhere these days.  What I need is some honesty, a real truth to hold on to.  To give love and be loved in return.  To allow others to make mistakes just as I always will, and to accept these facts, both of them.  To be more willing to compromise, to ask less questions and accept more of life's little non answers.  I need to live better.  I need to experience true friendship again.  I miss the ones I love back home, in a bad way tonight... I just wish you were all here to prove to me that I'm still the person I was two months ago.  I am still capable of worthwhile interactions and competent responses.  I am not the jokes I make.  I am not the numbers or letters on a whiteboard.  I am not what a handful of near strangers assume me to be.  I am much more.