Drinking alone again, throwing stones. Duct taping the backs to pieces of notes I never read, just tore apart out of fear of what they might say. I always pretended I wanted to know what happening, but truth be told I never really did. But didn't you? Slipping into subconscious yet again for what I hope is the last time I'll remember. Writing words on pages and sealing them closed in a notebook that I'll never open again, forgetting them the minute the page turns like I always do. Humming tunes to songs I'll never hear, then forgetting the chords the minute they leave my lips. Spinning in slow circles waiting for a breeze to pick me up and transport me somewhere far more beautiful than the place I am right now.
I exist - I inhabit - I evolve.
If only I could look through the telescope all the way to where you are, into your living room, into your life apart from where I am. We're so different, you and I. But then again we're quite the same. Curiosity always gets the best of me and keeps me up at night, till the blankets are tangled in between my legs and I'm hovering inches above the ground wondering when the earth will allow me to simply fall. Wake up from this dream, which is really only a fleeting hope because if this is reality I am truly beyond any help you could offer. If I've learned one lesson it's that things are never as they seem, so I pinch myself to see if I'm still alive and as it so happens I'm wide awake. It's the middle of the afternoon and I've lost myself again, just stuck in the in between, waiting for a hand to carry me back up or push me all the way down. Steady existing in this dreaming state - no morning, no pauses, just momentary blips on a scale measuring our happy moments and our not-so-happy moments. Up and down, no pattern, just movement, just readings on a scale. Is it safe to say we've gotten ourselves in a bit above our heads? Ask me what I want again. I promise I'll know this time.
Soundtrack:
The Helio Sequence - Stitches Sewing
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