America's Best

How is it already August?  Do years really start passing by this quickly once you're an "adult?"  If so, that makes me incredibly depressed.  I miss running barefoot through my neighborhood and not worrying about cutting up my heels, because who cares what your feet look like in sandals when you're ten?  In six months I'll be twenty-two.  I've heard twenty-two is only half as fun as twenty-one, and if that's true then I think I'll be alright because twenty-one has just been too good to me.  I've been picking and choosing my battles, and leaving them all to decide for themselves while I went off onto better things.  I've been crying over silly people and the silly stupid things they do, letting simple tears make a mess of my face.  I've spent time in love, I've spent time wanting to love, I've spent time being loved and pretending we're in love and making everybody else think that we're in love, too.  I guess you could say I've done a lot this year.  I've flown, not with my own wings but with the kind you can purchase that are made out of steel and compressed air.  I've come to realize funny things about myself, for instance; I can be a raging bitch, I am bad at lying, I like to dance, people annoy me, I annoy people.  I've shared moments and I've whispered secrets into ears that will never pass them on.  I've felt as though I had the greatest, I've held the hands of the worst, I've drank with sinners and danced with them too.  I guess it's just that feeling at the end of the day when you settle into bed, on whatever continent in whatever apartment with whoever happens to join you, you just know.  And you can't share what it is because it's not a feeling, it's nothing I can put into words.  I'm just content, but never too content to stop moving.  I need new faces, new people to smile at and remove layers of personalities like the outsides of onions.  I require change, it's the only constant, it's always been there for me, and I'm already prepared for it to return... I'll be here, waiting.

If you're reading this, I don't miss you one bit.  And this time I'm not lying.

Soundtrack: City & Colour - Comin' Home