I Marvel At The Stars & Feel My Heart Overflow.

"So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be." - The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I think I've finally pieced together one of the most frustrating puzzles I've encountered yet.  I fall in love so madly with things that do not exist.  I fall in love with ideas, concepts, illusions, questions, wishes, the way people should be but really are not.  I used to find this pathetic, a waste of time and a part of me that has always been impossible to conquer.  Lately I've embraced it, I've decided that it actually displays a more optimistic side of me, a hopeful way to view the world I feel stuck in so often.  This is why I've always had an incredibly difficult time "letting go" of things; friendships, dreams, moments, people, wishes, loves, hopes.  Parts of me bend and eventually break in attempts to bear the weight of all of these impossible trials; so the question I am faced with now is, is that a bad thing?  Sure I hurt a lot more than most people do over smaller circumstances because I wish so desperately that thing would work out the way I see them working out in my mind, the way my brain plays back the pictures I dream about and constantly try to hope into existence.  I crave love and fulfillment in my surroundings, and find it nearly impossible to live through those that disappoint.  I take things hard, sure.  I'm emotionally exhausted, true.  But would I change if I could?  Absolutely not.  Because I'd rather live with passion than with no heartbreak at all.

Soundtrack:
Bat for Lashes - Pearl's Dream
Sufjan Stevens - Holland