Emotional Pause.

Push play.  I made a soundtrack to accompany the things I see when I think about you.  Listen to this while you're driving down the 405 from my house to yours tonight, the dark sky settling into the emptiness of the horizon.  Roll the windows down, I don't care how hard it's raining.  Feel the elements on your shoulders, let the wind raise the hair on the back of your neck like I always used to.  Keep calm, be quiet and just listen.  Ignore whoever is calling you right now, it's far too late to talk anyway.  I find myself wondering who else is calling you tonight, or who will call tomorrow night, or who called all those nights we spent apart.  I really shouldn't, there's nothing I can do about it now.  Ah, but you're so pretty baby, the way these lights settle on your face, I can't help but wonder.  Feeling your hand enveloping mine, walking down the cold streets of our hometown after you've been with somebody else, and I never knew.  How could I not know.  And now you're not even here to close up these eyes and put these tears to rest  - why would you be?  I miss it, the glances, the nods, the notions at first.  The kisses, the early mornings spent under the covers with a flashlight.  Planning our great excursions all across this big planet, just you and me.  Did you do the same thing with her?  Mark X's on the globe with the big light in it for the countries you want to visit?  Fold maps and pretend you're walking along the little dotted red lines signifying highways and byways and interstates going nowhere?  God I hope you're happy.  How could I miss you.  I hate myself for missing you.  Your breath on the back of my neck, your arms encircling my waist and swaying along with the cold breeze on your back porch late that night.  Clear as day, my intentions.  How could I never question yours.  It's too late for interrogations, excuses, pleadings and hindsight bias.  Tonight I'm just going to open up all the windows and hope the elements mix with the downpour.  I trust you'll do the opposite.  End tape.


Soundtrack:
Jamie Cullum - All At Sea
Sufjan Stevens - Jacksonville
City And Colour - Coming Home
Death Cab For Cutie - Coney Island