I refuse to believe that my life's gonna be just some string of incompletes.

I'm going to sleep all day because there's a good chance the sun is never going to come up. I want so badly to believe it will, but I can't, I just don't. Why does everything seem like such a mess lately? I can't get out of bed without some sort of physical discomfort, and immediately after fully waking up all I want to do is go back to bed. I spend all day counting down the hours until I have to go back to work, which I hate, and do things that I hate. I can't stand myself most days, I'm narcissistic, inconsistent, belittling, volatile, irritable, just to name a few. Why have I adopted these traits that I hate so much?

I don't understand these tests I'm being put through, I'm trying to do my best but it seems I continually come up short. I am never enough for my parents, my own standards, my friends, my DOG even. It seems like just when I feel as though I've run out of whatever it is I have left to give, something more is demanded of me. What am I supposed to do now? I am so tired of screaming at four walls, empty space, this long-term vacant expanse. Is it me, doubting myself? Is it me, doubting my Creator? Is it something else entirely? Maybe I am tired of just existing. I know there is something more out there, and it's quite possible that my time has come to take the next wave rather than to continue to idle in the shallows.