What You Need.

You wouldn't know her if she sacrificed everything for you.  I hold you at a distance so I don't have to feel you, so I can't stop thinking of you.  Not the same as you once were, standing on the other side of a snow blanketed street covered in the yellow light of the street lights... a convenience store selling your perfect poison until two in the morning, waiting for me in the water.  But I won't come.  I'll never be there to fulfill your needs, to answer to your duties, to be the woman that comes when you call.  I'm sorry I can't and my god I wish I could.  I want to love you with everything that I have in me, you hold me in your hands.  Everything that I have inside of me is in your palms, I would give you everything I have to give.  To clap my hands and feel you here next to me.  Your wrist reaching out to mine, my spine curving into yours.  To close my eyes and have you within arms reach.  To let you see me as I am now, to be open and honest and all of the things that make me sick to say.  The distance wakes me up in the morning, the heartache embarrasses me.  I want to hold your hand as you walk through whatever fire encompasses your feet, rehash old memories and look through the glass with a sideways smile.  Knowing you is hard, knowing where I belong is the worst.