i blame me

Too busy to let me down slowly

Dropped like a pile of bricks on a Saturday afternoon

10,000 feet above anywhere for me to land graciously

My stomach in a free fall, my heart not far behind
Tears rolling down both cheeks as the horizon slips by

It still hurts now like it hurt back then
Window seat, tapping my feet incessantly to the beat of the engine

In the quiet silence of solitude, I can almost feel it again

Voices that I'm not good enough, never good enough

Sentiments that to love is too difficult for a girl like me

Trust me when I say this has happened before, it'll happen again

Because I break my own heart, I always break my own heart

Impatiently waiting, willing something to turn out right

Pretending to make sense out of nonsensical things

Unloved, unlovable, who told you those things?

Cheeks rubbed raw from saline tears and too-short fingernails

Fighting the urge to call you, reach a dial tone again

Resisting the need to feel something else - anything else

I'm tearing at the seams of every relationship I have

Breaking and bending the will of whoever will let me
 Freedom from a debilitating sickness birthed in my mind
We never existed outside of this place, why try to now?

I break my own heart, I always break my own heart