I should have just grabbed your face and kissed it when I had the chance, god damn my inhibitions.  Those mornings should have been a great deal more ethereal than they were, less bleary eyes being massaged awake, more time spent in the moment and forehead kisses.  I don't know where my mind went during those early mornings, but it was less present than even in my memories.  I'm holding on to what little bits and pieces I have left of it now, but as time passes on everything turns to dust and I'm left with a handful of ashes to commemorate something that was never anything so I can't say it was lost.  Confused would be an understatement, hopeful would just do my lost cause justice.  Sometimes I just feel at a crossroads with no desire to chose either path, or perhaps I know exactly which way to turn but life continues to fuck up my plans so I blame my loses on indecision, my heartaches on indiscretion, my days spent alone on personal choice and independence.  I'm happy but not content, I'm smiling but I'm willing to smile a little wider, I'm laughing but I'm not laughing with you.