I Never Wanted to Be Your Friend

I know I told you, I lied to you.  I lied to everyone, and I wouldn't take it back for one second.  I never forgot about you, how unhealthy and stupid is that?  Sometimes I let myself wonder why, only to find myself back where I started - empty and confused and in the end apathetic.  I never wanted to be your friend, I wanted so much more than that.  It wasn't fair, I shouldn't have lied to you.  You never wanted to be my friend, I see that now, it's so perfectly clear that I want to scream at myself.  I want to tear through the walls that separate conscious-understanding me from idiot-young-woman me and bash her brains in.  I am so thoroughly done with the frustration that you've caused me, that I've caused myself over you, that every interaction we've had has left me feeling for days after.  I'm going to forget - I no longer want to be your friend.  And I'm not lying anymore.  I don't want anything else this time, I'm finished.