What else could it be described as? Hundreds of people carrying out the same actions; standing, sitting, kneeling, singing, bowing, listening, laughing, praying, crying, reading, turning the page all at the same time as the pastor reads aloud what everyone else pretends to be following along with. When I say this, you do this. Follow my lead to gain acceptance, break a norm and be judged. No, this is not a jab or a blanket statement, it is an observation. You don't close your eyes when somebody is praying, you don't always sing with the worship band, you don't clap your hands when you're instructed to "clap with me!" Why not? You must not take communion either or laugh at the unfunny jokes people make on stage when they get nervous.
I found myself enamored with a table full of high school students at church tonight. I remembered when I was in their position, two years ago this month would have been my last month at Mountain View High School, the tail end of my senior year. How easy it was to become wrapped up in progressive chords and beautiful voices and find myself in tears, wondering how I got there. Even easier was it to open my eyes and find my hands raised and wonder what they were doing up there. When these phenomena would occur, I would often survey my surroundings and notice other people participating in the same things and feel like I must have been doing something right. And there they were, the whole group of them, sitting together joking about what happened last week in chemistry class and whatever else it is that 17 year old girls talk about. But the minute the lights dimmed and the guitarist started strumming and the words popped up on the screen, they all became mini-Siddhartha Guatamas, worshipping and praising and falling into some sort of trance-like state (I don't know how else to explain it). And some might call this spiritual, some might call it mystical, others may dub it a religious experience. But me? I blame socializaiton, I call for environmental factors, I say it's something entirely separate from any sort of spirit-fillded something or other they may have believed they were experiencing. How easy is it to allow what you think you should do become what you actually do?
If you know you are expected to love all people regardless of the color of their skin and do so without question, is that bad? I'd argue yes! Yes, because doing anything without question is a terrible, horrible, awful idea. It's not only detrimental to your own personal psychological progress, but also detrimental to whoever you may be influencing that is watching you and thinkig that you may just have it all together and boy they'd like to look just like you! So you go to church and you're expected to get emotional during worship. So you start bobbing your head to the beat of the drums and singing louder than the girl standing next to you so that everyone can see just how spiritual you really are! Then it progresses to a part in the song that always takes you back to that one summer at bible camp where you were singing this song and something really awesome happene and so you start to smile and laugh and then you start crying but you aren't sure why, but you know it's alright to do that because it'll probably make you look like a much better worshipper than whoever else is worshipping around you. All this for... what? Do you ever stop, all antics and theatrics aside, and ask yourself what for?
Because I love Jesus! Well of course you do, of course you love Jesus. And that's all well and fine. But how come you don't put on a huge show like you're doing right now when this exact song comes on in your car? Or how about when you're in the shower just all by yourself, nobody to impress, why don't you worship like a crazy person then? How about during lunch break between your oh-so-rigorous high school classes, why don't you do it then? Oh, well because I only love Jesus when there's a full band playing and lights dimmed and candles lit to set the "worship mood!" Oh, I forgot. The scene is so important.
I am such a doubter lately, I can't help but ask these questions and allow these suspicions to be aired. Truth be told, I've never been a huge fan of church, or "organized religion" as some people refer to the concept. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, although everything can be misconstrued and mutated into something it was never designed to be, I just find church to sometimes be slightly nauseating. The same lessons being drilled into the same heads weekend after weekend after weekend. The same smiles and worship powerpoints and lukewarm bitter coffee with powdered creamer packets on the side. The same "hi-how-are-ya's" that we all know really don't actually care how we are. The same people being childish and making a big fuss over some silly, stupid little thing like a term the pastor used that they found offensive, or the fact that the drums drowned out the lead singer's voice during the third song in the worship set. GET REAL! Leave your institution for five seconds and see the big picture. Life is not a box set. You were not created to sit in a pew and use a little golf pencil to fill in "single/married, address and phone number, can we pray for you?" or to stand when you're told then sit when you're told. If you truly believed the words that Jesus said, many of you would not prescribe to this socially stratified culture based 'religion' that we so love to group people by. You would branch out, you would find new ways to worship and share your love and faith and passion.
There is so much more on my mind pertaining to this topic, but I'll rest on it. See where it leads me next.
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