Communication Breakdown

What is it about people that makes them so difficult to understand?  Something as seemingly insignificant as a simple interaction can hold a great deal more importance than you'd ever imagine.  One conversation can change the trajectory of a friendship in a matter of minutes.  People are fickle, words are difficult to chose, and I am the worst at putting two and two together.  I guess I'm just embarrassed at this point?  I mean, I'm not going to sit in bed for three days and sob over my miserable love life, but that doesn't mean I feel any less terrible about things.  I've always liked to think that I'm relatively good at reading people, figuring out what they're thinking or feeling without having to exchange words, but recently I've been proven pretty wrong on that front.  Truth is, I've never been and never will be as secure as I like to portray myself.  I am constantly feeling like I'm being sized up by people, which is probably some weird mental shit that I just need to get over, but it makes me act as though I have to be distant and more powerful than the people who could possibly make me feel insignificant.  It's only times when I allow myself the possibility of being ridiculed or dismissed that I really feel alive, and even then, those instances where those fears become realities are the moments where I truly feel like I've never been so human in my entire life.  I used to experience these enormous dips and surges of emotionally charged inspiration for writing, being, existing... recently I've just plateaued and allowed myself to become incredibly stagnant in so many aspects of my life.  It's difficult to determine why I've allowed this to happen, but even more difficult is to figure out how I should remedy this current situation.  Or if I should leave it alone.  Or if I've just fucked up, period.  

I'm going to die alone, better go buy some cats now.