EVERYBODY is potentially interesting, attractive, kind, funny, caring, lovable, et cetera.  However, many human beings do not harness this potential, and therefore become part of the majority which lacks the components necessary for a positive and competitive existence.  I am consistently floored at how jaded I am, already in my life, when it comes to these people.  I find that many of the people that I despise (from feelings that strong even down to subtle feelings such as simply not caring for) are also people whom I once considered to posses some or one of these very important qualities we all seek out in partners, friends, loved ones, and anybody else we keep close.  Could that be the reason I am so incredibly turned off by many people?  Because I've been disappointed more times than my fingers can count and I don't see the point in attempting or holding anybody to any standards simply to be failed?  I'm not perfect, I'm light years away from it, but this gnawing feeling has had me bogged down for quite some time now.  Sometimes my friends and family make jokes about how jaded I am; I make puking sounds when I see engagement photos (equal parts immaturity and lack of respect for the fallacy that people refer to as 'love'), I don't think newborn babies are cute, men in general piss me off, women in general piss me off (god I honestly sound like the bride of Lucifer), hell even kids piss me off and doesn't everybody love kids?!  Or perhaps I'm just in one of 'those moods' where I should pull the blinds shut, lock the door, and be in solitude until it passes.  Regardless of the triviality of the extent to which I feel this way, the raw fact is that I do - constantly.  I always wonder what people's motives are, I try to look out for myself because I know that nobody else will, I know that many people's definition and hope of what the word LOVE means isn't really that real at all, I am short tempered with stupid people and find myself equal parts baffled and disgusted at the things that many people say and do.

I really hope my future husband never reads this, because then he'll know what a shit person I am!