On Dark Country Road Running Straight Til You're Home.

Sometimes I get discouraged when I think about how large the world is.  I want so many things so badly, yet they all seem so far out of my reach.

I want to set sail on the Mediterranean, starting at Cyprus and hopping on a merchant vessel traveling all the way to Spain.  I want to get off the boat in Spain and learn to dance salsa in Barcelona, meeting more beautiful men than I ever knew existed, listening to Spanish and Catalan spoken interchangeably and coming home at 4am every night.  I want to take a train to the heart of Spain and watch a Real Madrid game, and explore, explore, explore.  I want to meet somebody who will take me skiing in the Alps, despite the fact that I've only ever skied in the Pacific Northwest of America.  I want to take a backpack (or perhaps two) and make my way across Sweden by myself, or maybe with a friend.  I'm not so sure I know where I'd like to go or what I'd like to see there, so maybe I would just wander for a while and enjoy their crazy language that makes every letter sound like a variation of V or Z.  I want to lay on the beaches of Melbourne, Australia, and soak up the skin cancer inducing rays with all the crazy Aussies.  I want to see a real life koala and maybe even be an idiot and pet him, or her, I'm not sexist.  And I'd like to find lots and lots of beautiful Australian men to go out drinking and dancing with for every night I'm there, because without a doubt they rank in my top 5 peoples of the world.  I want to raise a pint glass to Northern Ireland from way down in Cork and drink with the best of them, after all that is where I come from so I should fit in nicely, right?  I want to take my best friend back to Cambodia and Vietnam and all the places she wants to return to, and have her be my tour guide for a month, maybe more if we could afford it.  I want to see all the precious Cambo kids that she has framed pictures of around her house, and hear their cute laughs and watch their joy and wonder at how lovely it is to be a child.  I want to shop in the open air markets of India and buy enough opium incense to last a lifetime and back again.  I want to ride in the back of a taxi cab spiraling and spinning around Delhi streets at 130 kilos per hour, dropping me wherever it pleases.  I want to go back to Paris when I'm old, and bring my children too.  I want to show them Pont Neuf, the place where we sat the last summer of college, night after night drinking bottle after bottle of wine and being young and free and experiencing life in new capacities.  I want them to watch the Tour Eiffel sparkle at night, and the city light up at nightfall from the steps of Sacre Coeur.  I want to see their faces the first time they smell the Metro, or the RER-B on an especially warm afternoon during rush hour.

I want to be a part of something bigger and better than myself and help people in the areas of the world where it's most needed.  I want to teach people the language of business and watch them succeed in their educational pursuits and learn to be proud of their accomplishments.  I think I'm finally finding what it is that makes my world spin, that holds me on my axis, that allows me to feel real and alive and purposeful.  I think that despite the ways I feel held back and trapped in my current situation, I am on to something beautiful.

Soundtrack:
Sufjan Stevens - To Be Alone With You
Final Fantasy - The CN Tower Belongs to The Dead
Tor/ Sufjan Stevens - The Dress Looks Nice on You/Make You Feel That Way
Bright Eyes - Oh, You Are The Roots

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