"There's nothing that I can do for you you can't do for yourself. He said, oh yes you can, just hold my hand, I think that that would help."
And believe me, I want to. I want to help you so bad. I want to hold your hand and call you sweet things and fall asleep parallel to you and make you coffee in the morning and smirk at you from across the room and just know that you saw because you always see. I'm so wrapped up in silly things that I'm having an incredibly difficult time realizing the conscious, grasping my reality, slipping back into normalcy - but where I am and what I'm doing is just so damn fun I can't seem to remove myself. Every time I forget you, there you are again. Standing in a doorway at my Catholic school in Paris, is it just me or does that guy totally look like - no, nevermind... that sort of thing, you know? And it's silly but I can't help it. I want to spend a day, an hour, even just a minute with you, really spend it with you, and see if I like it still. I want to have staring contests and jump off bridges into bodies of water late at night just because we're young and we can and maybe we've had a few glasses of wine but we won't blame it on anything like that, I want to play tag in the middle of your road and not mind when cars drive by because we've got better things to be worried about like when you'll leave and how hard I'll cry and the day you'll decide to call and make it all okay. Please just tell me that I'm not all in my head, please just tell me that I can't make these things up and that somebody they'll drift into the front of my brain and out my eyes and become my real life. I want to wrap my arms around you so tight that you can't help but feel loved and alive and released from the pressure that's been weighing you down. What's so wrong about that? Why don't we just try?
If you're reading this, I miss you.
Soundtrack:
John Mayer - Assassin
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