Works In Progress

Forewarning: this entry has been sitting in my queue for weeks now, I just haven't wanted to post it and I'm not sure why, but I just decided to today because I don't really mind if people read what's really on my mind anymore, I'm okay with it.  As it's titled, these are all works in progress which means they aren't finished yet but I won't be going back to revise them from now on either, I'll just post them as is.


Let me allow you on my level, stooping to yours was never my style.  Rough, the way the backs of your hands felt, the way you treated me for months, the sand embedded in my feet after these few dozen miles.  How far would I walk again if I had the chance?  If my pride took a back seat to what I really wanted, something simple, someone to envelop my hand in his - simple, smile.

Truce!  God damn it, that's all I ever wanted, an end to the abuse.  It's proof!  Staring me in the face, the validation of my deepest concerns made public, why the fuck is this always about you?  Me?  Don't ask if you don't want to hear it, I'll bear witness to every testament, disagree with you on a love you haven't even experienced yet.  Justice?  Who said a thing about being fair, when I needed you most she was always there, just waiting for her turn but who can blame her?  Convictions?   I don't have any of those, guess I'm just tryin to write some prose, release what weighs me down.

I can feel your heart beat inside of mine.  We grow spontaneously, we grow together, we grow alive.  Indirect contact won't repair an abdomen void of its necessary parts.  Doubly hard in this place we’re trapped - but what to call it, half a heart, both halves apart?  A tragedy, hardly.  An accident, maybe.  Unfortunate, most definitely.  Can you feel my heart beat when you're there?  It's not a pulse, it's not a thump, no sound can arise when nothing is there.  This is what I was afraid of, empty chests and blank stares.  A soul with no home, no counterpart to share.  The things you expect to be there have all moved on, time and circumstances have decided to place them elsewhere.  If I’m empty, then I lied when I promised I wasn’t, because I am.  I don’t love you.  Can you feel my heart beat when you're near?  It's a pretty loud silence between us, my dear.  Can you feel my heart beat when you’re grasping at the ends?  It’s the only silence I’ve ever known, old friend.