Last Night I Dreamt All Night Long

I want to be surrounded by happy people.  They offer so much more to talk about than unhappy people, they make you feel like you are so present and that life is so effortless, happiness is fathomable and being fulfilled isn't unique to one certain stereotypical kind of being.  You can be happy while you're crying, just like you can smile when you're sad -  really the logic isn't that skewed, if at all.  Perception has a lot to do with happiness I suppose, too.  It's not always necessarily what is happening but what you assume is happening and why it's happening that way.  Death doesn't have to be a time to mourn, but god it's hard to think of an alternative, isn't it?  It's so easy to surround yourself with beautiful things, yet a great deal of us seem to believe that is such an reachable concept - beautiful, happy, fulfilled?  Like a cigarette resting on the dashboard of an old ford taurus, pointed at the sunrise moving at 55 miles per hour in whatever direction the wheel takes it - just along for the ride, enjoying the scenery.  I want to live like that.  I want to block out the real world and pretend everything is something it's not and never will be, yeah beauty is that easy.  Fingertips stained with blue and black pen marks from nights spent awake after my computer battery refuses to take any more abuse, but I can't stop.  The mind is not a simple machine, it is many organisms blown up together in the center of a balloon, and when that balloon pops it doesn't just break - it explodes.  The explosion of whatever thoughts and emotions and fears and deep desires were held inside of it is so beautiful I can scarcely breathe - yet we rarely take the time to notice such occurrences, although they happen constantly.  I think that happiness is just a continuation of the desire for fulfillment, if I may be honest.  Yeah I've found it before, it's escaped me, we've all had our fair share of disappointment and abuse - but also our portion of complete and total honest joy.  And that's only fair, right?  I want to be like that - happy, searching, unknowing, unfair but I don't really care.  What about you?