Cast A Hook In Me.

New snow is settling thick on the spindly branches outside my bedroom window, you know, the ones that remind me of varicose veins in the hands of old women? Inches upon inches lay heavy on everything and anything that will hold them, piling on more and more until the foundations they so foolishly trusted give way to the great weight of every tiny flake, and then crack under the pressure. The cascading effect of the break is great sheets of snowflakes all caught together sliding down, down, down, until they reach the ground. Each flake silently meeting its demise stirs up a noise in my head; a violinist taking her aggression out upon her unfortunate instrument, a laugh shared between a girl and the boy who loves her, a heavy sigh after a loaded question. Drop, drop, drop, till they are scattered all around the base of the broken tree. And there I go, mittens covering bare skin in order to rescue each flightless, frozen flake from the solid ground. Once I'm sure I have them all, I release them directly upwards in the hopes that they will now embark on a new journey.

This is what I am doing. Pretending alliterations are impressive past the fourth grade, and personifying delicate, impersonal, yet thoughtfully beautiful parts of nature. Learning a lesson is one thing, realizing that you can't breathe life into every dead thing is another. I guess I've just become somewhat talented at letting things go, at releasing dreams and people and loves and aspirations and thoughts and friends, that some things hardly phase me. This is also why I am so damn scared of you. You make me feel... I tried to finish this sentence for about five minutes before giving up and accepting the fact that I can't comprehend how you make me feel. Sometimes I feel premature in saying that I love you, but I LOVE YOU. For all the times I wished, all the moments gone unnoticed, all the nights spent awake wondering, all the thoughts discarded and left for hopes, they were all unaware of you. You make me happy beyond any words I could possibly try and use to explain. I'm still waiting for that pinch, that harsh awakening to the bright sun, to realize this has all been a dream.